When helping your best friend get over a break up

Do not tell her that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say, “BUT I DON’T WANT A FISH. I WANT HIM. I WANT HIM BACK. WAHHHHHH.” Then you’re a socially awkward penguin.

Do not tell her that he was stupid for leaving her.

She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say, “I WAS STUPID FOR LOVING HIM. WAHHHH.” Then you’re again, socially awkward penguin.

Do not tell her that he didn’t deserve her, and that she was too good.

She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say, “IF I’M SO GOOD, WHY DID HE BREAK UP WITH ME. WAAAAAAH.” Then you’re socially awkward penguin.

What you do is, you say

“BITCH. GET THE FUCK UP. WE’RE GOING TO MALL. WE ARE BUYING A GALLON OF ICE CREAM FOR YOUR MOPEY ASS, AND YOU’RE GOING TO CRY. ALL FUCKING NIGHT. YOU WILL WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING. WE ARE BURNING ALL HIS SHIT. ALL OF IT. WE’LL GO SHOPPING, AND BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BITCHES ON THE PLANET.”

She can’t be a smartass, and you are no longer caught in a socially awkward situation. You are not a penguin, you are practically jesus.

What makes you so unattractive

1. Constantly whine because your parents didn't give you anything you want.
2. Cuss your parents because they didn't give you permission to do something you want.

3. You said the words above ^ Do you really like hanging out with boys or do you just want a special attention from boys? LOL
4. You drive and text. If you think you're so important, just hire a driver la!
5. Speak with fake annoying voice, seriously, no it doesn't make you sounds cute. It's so fucking annoying.
6. You brag about things that your parents bought for you. I don't have any respect for you.